How To Suck At MySpace
I found an article on CollegeHumor that relate to my opinions about MySpace. I quote:
“If you don’t know what MySpace is, you’re in the minority. But not the kind of minority that you stereotype; I mean a general representation of fewer people. Incase you don’t know, MySpace is basically the Facebook for college dropouts (or those winners who never even bothered at a higher education) since you don’t need a university e-mail address to register. Here I will give you a beginner’s guide to sucking at MySpace, even if most of you don’t need it.”
“Let’s begin with your page layout. You’re going to want to go completely overboard on it. Choose, let’s say, a yellow font over a bright orange background. Then insert as many moving, sparkly, chartreuse colored items in the most unorganized way possible that will make me really want to come up with a generic metaphor for seriously injuring my eyes.”
“Insert an irritating music video into your profile. Never under any circumstance place it near the top of your profile, because then it’s possible to pause it before interrupting the good music that I’ve already been listening to. One of the biggest mistakes made by people who do not suck at MySpace is not being annoying enough. If you want to ensure a satisfactory level of displeasure in anyone that comes across your profile, I suggest adding a totally different song in your profile that starts playing at the same time as the initial music video. I think a Kanye West song playing over a Clay Aiken video would suffice. But please remember to make me scroll and search for them!”
“Here’s an important one: you know the bulletin feature which lets you write a message to all of your friends at once? Overuse it! You should be asking for picture comments and other undeserved attention at least nine times per week. It may be tough to squeeze all of this begging for acknowledgement in between having sex with random men to make yourself feel prettier but trust me, this step is very crucial. Just remember that nine is only the minimum, so I want you to feel free to really go nuts with it.”
“Keep overusing those bulletins, people! This time, I want you to notify everyone on your friends list as to what your dating status is. What’s that? Oh, don’t be silly; of COURSE we care!! Now, you should do this by assigning a color to each possible situation. For example, “Blue=single and content; Red=single and looking; Yellow=taken; Green=taken but banging your boyfriend’s brother